What to do if your garden is a barren brick wasteland

It's not your fault. It's society. And it can be fixed!

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I’ve been on Facebook Marketplace all weekend looking for outdoor furniture. It’s sort of necessary (with spring coming I want a nice place to sit)… but it’s also sort of an addictive compulsion for treasure-hunting.

But I suddenly realised over the weekend that I had uncovered something much more interesting than partially-rotted pieces of jarrah. I realised that my search results were opening a window I could peer through, to get a glimpse at hundreds and hundreds of WA backyards.

And I realised something else. So, so many West Australian backyards are nearly impossible to garden in. And it’s bullshit. And we need to do something about it. If you have been wanting to grow a garden, and trying, and failing, and banging your head against the wall, today I want to tell you something:

it’s not your fault. It is society.

Look at these backyards!! What do you see? THEY’RE ALL BLOODY PAVED RIGHT UP TO THE HOUSE. Where is all the green?? And I don’t mean the green colour bond fence. No wonder we’re all struggling to grow stuff, the built environments we’re working with are antithetical to life.

Let’s pick this apart. And tell me if any of this sounds familiar.

• The fences we are typically given offer no scope for climbing plants - colour bond fences are slippery, hot and I know of NO creepers that will attach themselves to the metal. So for starters, the perimeter of your garden is bare, hot and un-plantable.

• A great many backyards in recently built areas are predominately paved spaces. Bricks on bricks on bricks.

• Where the ground hasn’t been paved, the ‘garden beds’ are typically 30cm deep - anaemic little strips of ‘earth’ that are too small for the vast majority of plants to grow or thrive in. The ‘soil’ is leftover builders’ rubble.

As a result, countless West Australians (and I suspect this is really a global problem), step outside into their newly-purchased backyard, and are tasked with a nearly-impossible mission. To grow something in what is essentially a hot, dry, sterile, sandbox. So they get a collection of pots. And most of the pots you find at plant nurseries are too small for anything to really thrive in. Or they have no holes in the bottom and become a breeding ground for mosquitos. And most of the ‘soil’ we are recommended at plant nurseries is cheap rubbish. And most of the plants we try to grow in our cheap rubbish soil get fried in our summers (which are hard enough to contend with even if you DO have a garden that isn’t set up to kill all living organisms).

I’ve been lucky to inhabit a bubble for these last ten years. And over the last few months this bubble has been progressively popping, and shrinking, as I realise just how hard it has become to grow a garden in a new-build backyard. We have a small old house, on a block that had a couple of big established trees when I started. Sure, the soil is beach sand, and the hot, dry summers are still hard, but the fact that there was SOIL in my garden, and that the majority of it wasn’t paved, set me up for success in a way I’m only just beginning to appreciate.

And it really pisses me off that that isn’t true for everyone who wants to grow a garden.

You know what else has happened? Along with building backyards that are near-impossible to grow plants in, we have been unnecessarily scared off a myriad of natural things, like trees (which we’re told will break our pipes, fall on our houses and generally create ‘mess’), and ‘pests’ (which we’re told we must eradicate with a bunch of potions and sprays), and ‘weeds’. Weeds. Basically the only plants that are tough and resilient enough to grow between our hot brick pavers, and we’re encouraged to remove them, too. The last vestiges of life in our modern, martian world.

Well, I’ve had enough of this crap. It’s time for a revolution!!

If your backyard is what I’ve described, today’s newsletter is for you. We need to get angry about this. We should be pissed off, because we didn’t ask for any of it, and it doesn't have to be this way. Let’s pull apart the crap and get your garden growing.

Not related to anything in today’s newsletter but… LOOK AT MY DUTCH IRISES they give me so much joy!

Plant trees

First of all, here’s a point I recently heard made on Instagram. We all freak out about trees near our houses - we worry about planting them ‘too close’ to our walls and pipes. But take a look around on your next drive literally anywhere in Perth and spot just how many trees are actually growing right up next to a house or a wall.

This is happening more and more often, not because people are planting more trees in their own backyards, but because people are building houses right up to the perimeter of their blocks, which means that any trees in their neighbours’ gardens are right up in their grill. Have their neighbours trees snuck into their block and destroyed the house? No. Is there sewage waste spurting from geysers in the ground? Also no.

Trees are FINE. Our fear of them is the problem. The same guy who made the point about neighbours’ trees having no great impact on the new houses built right beside them made another good point - most of our pipes these days are made from incredibly tough plastic. Not old ceramic pipes that crack and break apart. Houses are tough. Plumbing is tough. It’s really quite unlikely that we’re going to plant a tree that will destroy our infrastructure. Instead of an epidemic of broken sewage pipes, we are staring down the barrel of a very different, and worse, gun. We have no goddamn trees.

Perth has the shittiest urban canopy, and it’s getting worse and worse because shot hole borers are killing off many of our oldest and most beautiful trees. We need more trees.

So, if your garden is currently plant-free and paved, here’s step one: stop fearing trees. Pull up your pavers and stick some in along your fence line. If you are nervous about adding big trees, here are some to get you started. The will grow to about 4m, provide you with food, bring in bird life and generally make your garden feel like the beginnings of an oasis.

Any and all citrus trees

They have shallow roots, provide fruit and (as long as you give them enough water and a few good handfuls of chicken manure), will thrive in our hot, sunny summers.

Crepe myrtles

These burst into flowers through summer, and lose their leaves in winter to let in the sunlight. Perfect.

Papayas

These look like something from Nevernever land. They are short-lived, fast growing trees and I have planted one in my skinniest garden bed (it’s a little over 30cm deep). The entire trunk fills the bed and it hasn’t done SQUAT to the paved path that runs alongside it.

Bananas

These will give you quick shade and FRUIT! Bananas are a fantastic tree that a lot of people don’t realise will grow easily in Perth (they don’t need to be grown in Carnarvon you can grow them in your backyard!).

Feijoas

Another fantastic edible tree that happily tolerates our hot climate and will grow 2-5m tall depending on variety. Grow a feijoa and get your kids hooked on the beautiful fruit they bear.

Olives

Tough, sturdy olives are evergreen, so if you want to obscure a neighbour’s house for good, these are for you. Tough and beautiful, their silvery-grey foliage looks gorgeous, and the fruit can help attract Carnaby’s black cockatoos to your garden.

There are so many more trees I could put on this list. But the point is, we need to stop being scared of trees. I write a gardening column that takes me to a new suburban garden every week. I have visited numerous tiny courtyard gardens that are PACKED with trees, and I promise you the houses are still standing, and what’s more, they are vastly cooler, more beautiful and more full of life. Rip up your pavers. Add a tonne of trees.

Rip up your pavers

Now that you’ve ripped up some of your pavers to plant those trees (and I hope you planted a hell of a lot), rip up the rest of your pavers. They are doing NOTHING for you, your garden, or your mental wellbeing. They are reflecting heat back into your garden. They are burning the potted plants you’re trying to grow. They are pointless.

I don’t know why society seems collectively hell-bent on covering every surface with something made of stone. Did you know we are, as a species, getting worse at balancing, because all of our surfaces are so uniform we have lost the skill of STANDING ON OUR OWN TWO FEET on uneven surfaces. Madness. Walking on grass and soil has also shown to be beneficial for mental health. Pull up your pavers and use them to create the outlines of new garden beds and paths that wind between them.

In the foreground: all the paving we have ripped up and replaced with plants and grass over the years (scroll down for the ‘after’ photo, taken right this minute from the same spot)

The perfectionist in me needs to tell you that the area at the top right hand corner of the garden is a work in progress!! We had a tree removed over winter (shot hole borer) and I am waiting impatiently for the space to fill back in with plants - it’s getting there.

If you have young kids and you don’t want to fill your whole garden with garden beds, that’s cool. Rip up the pavers and put grass in instead. You won’t believe how much cooler your garden instantly becomes in summer. Also, why do we all think that having kids means we need to have fully grassed gardens? Sure, grass is fun to play on, a little is handy, but as a kid the gardens I loved and remember to this day are the ones that were wild, unkempt and full of rambling paths and overgrown plants.

Cover your fences

Finally, the colour bond. If you have colour bond fencing you have two options.

If you have the space, you could grow a line of trees or a hedge along it. Some great hedge options include bottlebrush, olives, bay laurel, pittosporum and sweet viburnum, but there are so many lovely plants that can make great hedges. So you could obscure the fence entirely if you like. It will make you feel like you are inside a green-walled forest.

The other option is to attach a trellis to the fence, and grow a climber up it. I’d recommend going for a permanent, heavy-duty material. None of that flimsy wooden crap from Bunnings that instantly falls apart. REO mesh is by far the best choice in my opinion. It takes a little more effort to install - you can bury it deep in the ground or attach it to large, strong stakes and push them into the earth - but it will last a lot longer, and (because the metal wire is thinner than most wooden trellises) you’ll be able to grow more up it.

Here are three climbers I love:

Passionfruit vine

Have you eaten fresh passionfruit?? They are so expensive at the shops it’s stupid, and the pulp out of the jars is a terribly pale imitation. But they are easy to grow, have utterly beautiful flowers and lush, big leaves.

Pink jasmine

My pink jasmine has just started flowering. It does well in dappled shade but can tolerate more sun too. The flowers burst at the start of spring and smell like a dream. Like a you’ll-never-have-to-light-a-scented-candle-all-spring-if-you-just-bring-a-sprig-inside dream. Much better than the white star jasmine imo, but that’s nice too if you like it.

Pink jasmine: the truest and most beautiful scent of spring

Moonflower

This grows so easily it’s almost a weed, but in an ever-heating climate with NO TREES and bricked backyards I think we need to be growing more garden thugs. Moonflowers have giant white flowers that open at dusk and a light, sweet perfume. So pretty, so tough, so good.

Mandevilla

Also called Rocktrumpet, these tough climbers don’t mind coastal winds, do well in full sun and bloom prolifically.

Once again, there are so many more I could list, but I hope this helps get you started. The main point I want to make, is my final one:

Don’t be scared, just do it.

A few years ago I would have worried about saying all this. Worried that my advice might in fact lead to broken sewage pipes, clogged drains and unhappy people with gardens full of wild plants.

But I realised lately that I have yet to meet any unhappy person with a garden full of plants. The people whose gardens are full of plants are happy because plants, and nature, and wildlife, and the sun on our backs, and the sound of the morning breeze rippling through a dappled understory of leafy trees is something we have all evolved to need. To need deep in our bones. So I’m not scared of telling everyone they should do this anymore.

Because a world of empty, barren backyards is a sad, quiet place.

Don’t be scared of plants. Be scared of living in a world that is filled with only human-made structures and heat. And then stop being scared full stop. Take yourself to a plant nursery, peer at the trees, look at their fresh, new buds, just starting to open in time for spring. Find an orange blossom and inhale its scent. Watch a bee disappear into a hollyhock flower and emerge, moments later, drunk on pollen. Listen to a bird sing in the morning light.

All of this, and so much more, lies in store for you.

You just need to rip up your pavers.

A final note:

If you are enjoying this newsletter and know someone else with a backyard full of bricks and dreams of a garden, please do share this email with them.

Your shares and recommendations truly help keep my newsletter going, but - more than that - there’s a chance it could help turn another paved yard into a garden, and that means much, much more.

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