How to neglect your veggie patch
(and still come out on top)
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I am not a dutiful gardener.
In more ways than I care to count, I am a lazy gardener. I am also - quite frankly - a negligent gardener.
Many plants have died under my careless, distracted watch. Many vegetables have gone un-harvested, roses have been left unpruned, piles of green waste have been left, un-mulched, to slowly wilt and rot in the hot spring sun.
At the time of writing, one such pile of nasturtiums is taking up a good few square meters of space at the back of the garden (I woke up in a bad mood yesterday and ripped the entire garden apart and it felt FANTASTIC. But that’s a story for another time).
My broad beans are currently withering, unpicked, and I’ve convinced myself it’s all part of a genius plan to start cooking with sun-dried broad beans. I’ve also failed to harvest my artichokes and my chillies are wrinkling on the bush. If you are after someone who can provide you with garden inspiration that consists of regular harvests of homegrown goodness and nary a rotten tomato in sight, I’m not your girl.
But - much like my new passion for dried broad beans - I have decided this is actually a point in my favour (whether I am better at gardening or at feats of self-delusion remains an open question), and I figure if I’m a lazy, negligent gardener, the chances are good that you might be one too. And the truth is: that is TOTALLY FINE.
In fact, maybe it’s better.
We lazy gardeners aren’t out there fretting about aphids while pruning our roses because we forgot to prune them in the first place! And you know what? My roses are looking better than ever this year, so maybe the whole pruning thing is a load of codswallop too.
Lazy gardeners take too long to tidy up their garden clippings (hello nasturtium mountain!), giving the insects and other lifeforms that live in them time to scurry to a new home. Lazy gardeners aren’t obsessed with weeding, or ‘pest’ control, and they’re not that fussed if a few birds steal the tail end of their mulberries. All traits which, collectively, lead to a garden that is a little wild and a little unkempt, but all the more beautiful and life-filled for it. If you are a lazy gardener, you probably have more pollen-filled flowers (many so-called ‘weeds’ are fantastic sources of pollen for local insects), less uncovered earth (bare earth is terrible for soil health), and more overgrown patches for a myriad of animals to call home. So don’t let the neat-freaks get you down.
There is one thing, though, that is legitimately difficult for a lazy gardener: growing a successful veggie patch.
Veggies take so much goddamn work! Or, at least, some do (more on that in a tic). For one thing, the vast majority of the vegetables we typically grow in our edible gardens are annuals. This means they last for one season before they need ripping out and replanting. They also tend to grow quickly, often requiring staking, climbing frames or various fiddly little tasks that you must do if you don’t want them to keel over and die. Many of them (like tomatoes and zucchinis) are susceptible to fungal diseases, and almost the entire brassica family (cabbages, broccoli, cauliflower etc) are loved by all manner of nibbling, munching insects and have to be guarded assiduously if you want to get a harvest.
Because they grow so fast, these edible plants tend to deplete your soil quickly, leaving you tied to a schedule of replenishing your beds with manures every season. And don’t get me started on the fruits! Tomatoes get stolen by rats, who also take it upon themselves to nibble the silks from the top of your corn cobs, meaning you get no corn harvest either. Zucchinis grow at such a ludicrously fast pace that if you look away for even a minute they’ll have become huge and woody in your absence.
And then if nothing steals your fruits or kills your plants and you actually get a harvest? Watch out. Because how the hell are you going to eat ten kilos of zucchinis?? (side note: thats a rhetorical question and the obvious answer is you’ll just buy my cookbook Seasoned and cook up veggie-filled-feasts to your heart’s content! ;) If you like, you can grab a copy here).
Anyway, despite all evidence to the contrary, I’m really not trying to put you off growing a vegetable garden. I love growing my own veggies! I wrote a whole cookbook based around them. It is a totally worthwhile and rewarding pursuit.
But.
In my experience, when growing veggies it’s very easy to bite off more than you can chew - both figuratively and literally - and taking on more than you can reasonably handle is a surefire way to leave you feeling inadequate, frustrated and not remotely inclined to garden. That’s what I want to fix!
There is just no way I would be growing my own food if I was attempting to do it the way I see advertised so often online. Where the goal seems to be achieving Instagram-worthy photos of giant harvests of veggies that all fruit in one big intimidating glut then need replacing. That kind of gardening is a full time job (and I say that as someone for whom gardening actually is a full time job!).
So what’s the lazy way? What’s the version of edible gardening you can actually stick to, that will continue to thrill and reward you no matter how many times life gets in the way?
It can be done. I’ve done it. It’s good. Here are my five tips for growing an edible garden that thrives on neglect.
Grow plants that double as ornamentals
The first thing I do to grow a thriving, neglected veggie garden is to prioritise growing plants that reward me when I forget about them. Tomatoes do NOT reward absentminded neglect - they over-ripen and rot on the ground. Same goes for most edible plants that bear juicy fruits.
If you want to be lazy and neglectful, ignore these edible plants, and focus instead on the many amazing edibles that, left to their own devices, will cheerfully burst into bloom. Which plants are these? Typically they are either root vegetables (radishes, carrots, parsnips, daikon and turnips), plants in the mustard (aka Brassicaceae) family (giant red mustard, mizuna, bok choy, watercress, rocket), plants in the umbellifer (aka Apiaceae) family (more on those in my next newsletter which will go out to paid subscribers this Thursday), or in the sunflower (aka Asteracea) family (e.g., Jerusalem artichokes, lettuce, artichokes and chicory).
Note: If we’re being totally accurate here, the root vegetables I just mentioned actually fall into these families too - carrots and parsnips are umbellifers; daikon, radishes and turnips are brassicas.
These plants are AWESOME! You can plant them and then just totally forget about them!!! And the worst thing that will happen is you will forsake your edible crop for a garden full of gloriously beautiful flowers that also happen to be fantastic at attracting all manner of beneficial insects (way better than most of the exclusively ornamental flowers we grow).
Grow herbs that make seeds to cook with
Once your neglected edibles have flowered, the next thing they’ll do is produce seeds. Use this to your advantage and prioritise growing herbs that have edible seeds you can add to your spice rack. My favourites are:
Fennel - the seeds are a FANTASTIC addition to meat rubs, tomato sauces, and really any dishes with Indian, Mediterranean or Middle Eastern origins.
Caraway - throw the seeds into pasta sauces or on top of focaccia - they have a flavour similar to fennel, but are distinct in their own delicious way.
Coriander - we use coriander seeds in everything from Ethiopian curries and Mexican chilli beans to Middle Eastern Tagines - they are a must for any garden, not to mention that the flowers which come first are beautiful. Everyone is missing a MASSIVE opportunity every time they rip out their ‘bolting’ coriander and it is a tragedy! Don’t rip out your coriander!! Enjoy the flowers, save the seeds, thank me later.
You can also save and cook parsley seeds, dill seeds, cumin seeds and celery seeds. All make wonderful additions to stocks, stews, curries, meats, roast veggies and sauces. Not to mention that once you allow these plants to set seed you’ll likely find them popping up in your garden forever, meaning you never have to buy them again.
Grow legumes that you can eat dried
Forgot about your broad beans and now they’re floury and hard? No worries! Call it intentional, leave them on the plant for even longer, harvest them once they’re fully dried and then cook with them as you would any other dried bean.
You can do the same with borlotti beans, soybeans, butterbeans, lima beans and haricot beans, to name just a few. Amusingly, forgetting about your beans often enough that you acquire jars full of dried homegrown beans will actually make you look more impressive as a gardener, not less!
Grow perennials
Edible perennials are the best. And my most consistent, easiest harvests all come from them. Perennials are plants that last for two or more years, so they don’t require nearly as much effort as annuals that need to be pulled out and replanted on the regular. I’m talking about things like fruit trees, herbs, edible shrubs and perennial tubers.
In our garden we have papayas, mulberries, mangoes, bananas, apples, peaches, nectarines, custard apples, a whole tonne of citrus trees and pecan trees (although let’s be honest I have never once shelled enough pecans to cook anything useful - I leave them for the birds). Fruit trees are fantastic because once they are established you need to do almost nothing and they will provide you with fruit every year.
The other trees I love to grow are those with edible leaves like my curry leaf tree, kaffir lime and bay tree. These super-flavoursome leaves are a brilliant addition to endless recipes and will impart so much more flavour than any store-bought spice mix.
Aside from the trees, there are so many edible perennials you can add to your patch. These plants grow more slowly than the annuals and, in return, require much less maintenance and will provide you with food season after season. Try adding edible perennials like sweet potatoes, asparagus, artichokes, goji berries, blueberries, chillies (if you’re in a mild climate like Perth you can get several years out of a chilli plant), passionfruits, grapes, lemongrass, turmeric and ginger to your garden.
Grow plants you can harvest anytime (no gluts)
You know back in the day when you were a 20-something on Tinder and some good looking stranger piqued your interest? You shared a few little friendly quips and then… they just wouldn’t stop messaging? What began as a little spark of curiosity rapidly got overwhelmed and snuffed out in the face of their overzealous and insistent contact. Too keen too much too fast.
Plants that fruit in giant big gluts are the veggie patch equivalent of someone coming on too strong and putting you instantly off. And yes, maybe this reflects nothing but the maladaptive dating behaviours that filled the angst-ridden majority of my twenties, but whatever, I’m married now and blessedly free to restrict my flaky, problematic and non-committal activities to the veggie patch.
So. Veggies that fruit in giant, big, overwhelming gluts are out, and plants I can harvest from little-by-little are in. These ‘cut-and-come-again’ edibles woo me just like my now-husband did, as a farmer tames a flighty horse, in the lilting words of Luther Vandross, never too much, never too much.
What plants are best for cut-and-come-again harvests?
All the salad greens (lettuce, silverbeet, spinach, rocket, kale), herbs (rosemary, parsley, marjoram, sage, thyme, tarragon, chervil) and many of the perennials I’ve already mentioned, like sweet potatoes and chillies. Even cherry tomatoes can often be harvested little by little as they ripen, and root veggies like carrots, parsnips and beetroots will keep for quite a while in the ground, so you can just harvest them as needed.
The main thing to remember is that ultimately, whatever you decide to grow in your garden needs to fit in with your life or it won’t be manageable and - most important - it won’t be fun. In much the same way that someone wanting to get fit and healthy needs to form exercise habits they actually like, if you want to grow a productive and healthy garden, you need to devise a way of gardening that works for you and leaves you feeling motivated and encouraged to get out there and grow things.
If you are pressed for time, forgetful, neglectful or easily distracted, but you still want to grow a garden that feeds you, focus on these five tips. They will give you a garden that you can eat from every single day, minus the stress, overwhelm and guilt.
And if you want to grow a lazy edible garden that also happens to be filled with beneficial bugs, consider upgrading to a paid membership in time for my next newsletter (coming out this Thursday), about the best plant family of all: the Umbels!
Until next time, stay lazy.
Xx Casey
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